Saturday, 31 March 2012

Eastbourne parkrun 31 March 2012: How Kathy Bates sabotaged my parkrun


No, not the fuel deliverers, or the stamp sellers, or the pasty crimpers. It's my body that seems to be on strike. After last weekend's hilly half marathon effort, it has thrown a right hissy fit this week and both short run-outs (Wednesday and yesterday) have been devoid of any rhythm or ability. I don't know why because it wasn't even a quick half marathon by my standards (compared to a couple of non-race HM distances I had run already). Yet, my body has decided enough is enough and it refuses to co-operate.

Yesterday, in particular, I was nothing more than a piece of flesh, slowly cooking like a joint of crackling pork as I lumbered round 3 miles of the park. I wasn't so much running as being spit-roasted round the course.

I decided that firm action was required and, like a strict parent, I would take a slipper to my own backside. I had hoped, with a bit of luck, it might put the other runners off as I galloped round the course, cracking a carpet slipper on my rump every 100 yards.

Needless to say, I forgot the slipper this morning and today's parkrun was little better than the rest of the week. It was a battle of wills as my brain gave instruction to run fast but my body just sat there, arms folded, scowling back at it.

I ran like I had been hobbled in the middle of the night. If I turned around, I half expected to see a frantic-eyed Kathy Bates chasing me, brandishing a woodblock in one hand and a sledgehammer in the other, hollering, 'Cock-a-doody' and 'Heavens to Betsy!' (for those who have no idea about this - watch Misery).

Either that or mummy had tied my shoelaces together.

Whatever the reason, my feet slapped the turf like a walrus with flat flippers and my lungs puffed like a knackered old boiler. No, that's not a reference to dear mummy again.

Nevertheless, it was still a really enjoyable run out and the cooler weather was refreshing. I shunted round in 24:20 (about 27 seconds slower than a course PB) and, if nothing else, I average a consistent time in the high 23s to mid 24s week on week. If there is one thing I am, it's consistently average!

I would like to think next week will be better and I can run like a lissome Mo Farah.

Alas, I fear I will run more like Eastenders' Mo Slater.

Other blogs:

A parkrun lesson

How parkruns and bumblebees can lead to half marathon success

Eastbourne parkrun 24 March


  1. Oh dear! We all have days like that don't we? I've had runs where I've stopped, leaned on a gatepost and given myself a good talking to! This normally involves me swearing at myself a bit, rarely does much good, but makes me feel better and gives the locals something to laugh at!

  2. It was just one of them days - and mainly owing to having a hilly half marathon in my legs from 6 days before! Still thoroughly enjoyable and I'm sure that speed (relative!) will come flying back...


We would love to hear from you and welcome all comments.