Wednesday, 4 April 2012

parkrun to 10k (very late post this week mainly because I had to wait to fit some running in in order to have something to write about)

parkrun to 10k Week 4

So to recap…in just two and a half weeks time, I will be attempting to complete a 10k course….please note how I have stopped saying ‘run a 10k’ mainly because that just isn’t going to happen!  There is no way I will be able to run (no walking) the whole 10k.


Just going back to the bottom wobbling problem….apparently there is an answer to the ‘bottom bra’.  I was taken to one side this weekend and told by a really lovely parkrunner all about Spanx!  And no boys this has nothing to do with spanking paddles!  Apparently this is the answer to all wobbling, a huge pair of Bridget Jones style pants!  I am sorry if this spoils the image you have of most female runners….but apparently a lot of them are turning to these pants for a smooth line and reduction of wobble.

Now I am always game to try something new….so Monday morning, I get the children and dogs out of the house and attempt to try out this new style of running.  First things first….how the hell do you open the packaging on these things….no wonder they reduce wobble, it’s because they have spent the last few months shrink wrapped in industrial strength plastic…..I had to nearly resort to the dog chewing through the plastic to get in to them.

In fact getting into them seemed to be the theme of the morning.  These things are huge…..and I mean huge!  They stretch from shoulder straps (and not sexy ones) right down to the knee…..and they are the colour of sausage skin.   Okay, packaging open…..and which is the front and which is the back…..or doesn’t it matter?  I would look at the packaging for instructions, but is is destroyed in the attempt to get into them!  After looking it on the internet (what would we do without the internet…and top tip….don’t type in Spanx and then press Google images - I know that most of you are going to do that now, aren’t you?), I finally find out that there is a front and a back….so here goes!

Now just for those that don’t know what I look like….I am a size 12 (okay 12-14) and I have bought the correct size…..but these things are near impossible to get into.  It is 10 times worse than getting into a running bra and at one point I couldn’t decide if oiling up or talcing down was the way to go!  All I can say is that they are the colour of sausage skin for one reason….because you really do look like a sausage when you are in them!!  I will not be posting photos…so you can all heave a sigh of relief!   Put on top of them a pair of running tights (who am I kidding….a pair of leggings) and the bunny shirt and I am ready to go.   And guess what… wobble!  Couldn’t breath either…but there certainly was no wobble! 

Do you know….you boys have it really easy!!!

So to sum up…….

  • 43 minutes of running
  • 10 minutes of walking
  • listening to Sandi Thorn and Will Young (???)
  • carrying all the wobble in a sausage skin
  • how do I feel…..squashed!!


It’s very early in the morning and since the clocks have gone back a little bit dark too….but it is the only chance this week that I am going to get another run in….how on earth all you lot doing marathon training fit that kind of running in, I have no idea!

And….to make things worse…..I am going to have to take the dogs with me as it’s the only time I am going to get a long walk/run with them too today!  Now, if you have read my earlier blogs (which you should have!!!) then you will know about the very first parkrun with the ‘bottom biting dogs’….so you would have thought that I would have realised that this wasn’t going to be a good idea! 

We set off across the big black dog field but as it is silly hour in the morning there is just us and a couple of crows (black birds/sparrows??).  Humphrey is pulling me along nicely up the small hill and Lily is trotting alongside me…all going well!  We cross the road, and they both remember to sit and wait….good dogs.  A little bit further and they can be let of the lead….which is a good thing as Humphrey is now pulling so hard that he is restricting his windpipe and quacking like a duck, an entertaining noise but only from a duck, not a dog!  Finally we reach the woods where I can let them off the lead!  And off they go……straight through the woods, straight towards another dog walker, they promptly jump up at him and bite his bottom!! NOOOOO!   (If you are reading this lovely man….I am still really sorry and you were very lovely to not make any kind of fuss about this!)

So…back on the leads, more dog quacking noises, a lot of arm/lead pulling and we reach the canal.  Quick check to make sure there is no one about and I let them off again.  And I start running.  Because of the trauma of another dog biting incident and the fact that I only have a further thirty minutes to get home  before the husband has to leave for work, and because I am feeling slightly lazy, I run down the canal back to the village.  Just a three mile route that I know well and can run all the way.

All in all it was a good run, it felt fine, no twinges like last week.  I am actually enjoying the peace first thing in the morning, the weather is good….I feel great…nothing can spoil this!  You know what is coming now don’t you?   Yup something can spoil this!!!

I turn the corner along the canal, just in time to see both my dogs spotting three ducks on the other side of the canal.  I call them to heal…but the temptation of duck for breakfast is just too great for them!  And it would have been duck for breakfast if the green stuff on top of the water had been grass….not green canal scum…which doesn’t, so I have found out, hold the weight of two small ‘bottom biting’ dogs.   I turn the corner just in time to see them hurtle into the canal and the green scum!!  

The rest of the morning is spent cleaning two green smelly dogs and the bathroom!!  Nice!  Just love this running lark!

So to sum up……

  • 28 minutes of running
  • 5 minutes of walking
  • 8 minutes of rescuing green smelly bottom biting dogs from the canal
  • listening to a quacking dog
  • carrying….my head in my hands….am I ever going to get a peaceful run
  • how do I feel….well how would you feel running back home with two bright green dogs!

Normally there would be another day of running, but it has been a bit mad crazy this week with plans for the Huddersfield parkrun 1st birthday party, darkrun, bit of working and school holidays….so I will have to try to fit in four runs next week to make up for it!

I really am going to have to go….mainly because I need to find a way to get out of these Spanx!  ;-)  
See you all next week…for details about the week before the week before the big day!


Ps….Matthew I hope that this is a bit funnier this week, there certainly is less talk about running…although I do feel it is a little short! 


  1. Hilarious :). - not sure I fancy being trussed up like a sausage tho so dont think I'll be Spanxing x

  2. Awesome as ever!
    I have just typed SPANX into Google Image and, as I'm at work, am now facing a disciplinary, and not the sort I saw photos of! Can't wait for the next installment (of the Blog, I've stopped scrolling through the images, my solicitor says it's the only way to stay in my job!)
    27 XXXX


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